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réponse à un job (exam) correction
Message de cambabz posté le 15-06-2008 à 14:05:43 (S | E | F)
Réponse à un job pour un exam donc ce n'est pas une bonne " réponse" elle ne doit pas forcement être formuler comme une vraie c'est plus le contenu qui compte. et vu que j'ai un énorme souci au niveau de la grammaire ^^ Je vous remercie d'avance :-)
Name :
Address :
telephone :
marital status : single
date of birth :22 th january 1991
sex: femal
nationality: belgium
age : 17
dear ****
i am writing with reference to the job i saw in the newspapers
i'd love to be pleased to accept your offer of becoming your new student.
first i would like finding a job with a view to intention of financing my studies.
because later on i would like going to study in a other countries. for this reason i am very motivate and busy.$
on the other hand i am very sociable and smiling.
Secondly i often had babysit and i work for 4 months as cashier on the small GB. Moreover i participated
at a humanitarian plan "citizen of the world" by Amnesty International Belguim, from 2006 till 2008.
I am available every Wednesday afternoon, every weekend and all on August and Septembers
I look forward to hearing from you
Yours faithfully
Message de cambabz posté le 15-06-2008 à 14:05:43 (S | E | F)
Réponse à un job pour un exam donc ce n'est pas une bonne " réponse" elle ne doit pas forcement être formuler comme une vraie c'est plus le contenu qui compte. et vu que j'ai un énorme souci au niveau de la grammaire ^^ Je vous remercie d'avance :-)
Name :
Address :
telephone :
marital status : single
date of birth :22 th january 1991
sex: femal
nationality: belgium
age : 17
dear ****
i am writing with reference to the job i saw in the newspapers
i'd love to be pleased to accept your offer of becoming your new student.
first i would like finding a job with a view to intention of financing my studies.
because later on i would like going to study in a other countries. for this reason i am very motivate and busy.$
on the other hand i am very sociable and smiling.
Secondly i often had babysit and i work for 4 months as cashier on the small GB. Moreover i participated
at a humanitarian plan "citizen of the world" by Amnesty International Belguim, from 2006 till 2008.
I am available every Wednesday afternoon, every weekend and all on August and Septembers
I look forward to hearing from you
Yours faithfully
Réponse: réponse à un job (exam) correction de egmonde, postée le 18-06-2008 à 19:13:22 (S | E)
date of birth :22 th january 1991 (Le th disparaît, une majuscule au mois)
sex: femal (avec un e)nationality: belgium (Belgium est le pays, Belgian le résident et avec 1 majuscule)age : 17
dear ****
(Attention tous les i doivent impérativement prendre la majuscule !)i am writing with reference to the job i saw (advertised) in the newspapers (. ponctuation)i'd love to be pleased to accept your offer of becoming your new student.
(dans une lettre formelle on ne fait pas d'abbréviation I'd : toujours I would)
(ensuite le "pleased to accept your offer" me semble un peu hâtif, vous postulez pour l'instant. Donc il faut utiliser le verbe to apply for)first i would like finding a job with a view to intention of financing my studies. (I would like demande to + infinitif. With a view to intention of.... construction bizarre, if faut rester simple : in order to finance my studies)because later on i would like (idem plus haut) going to (plutôt "and" ça se dit beaucoup en anglais to go and find par exemple) study in a other (another) countries (singulier ou alors in other countries). for (majuscule) this reason i am very motivate (motivated) and busy (vous voulez dire hard-working ?).on (majuscule) the other hand i am very sociable and smiling.(I am a very sociable and bubbly kind of person. "smiling, ça fait un peu niais, il faut trouver un autre terme. Bubbly, c'est plutôt pétillant à vous de voir)
(J'oublierai le first et secondly qui n'ont aucun intérêt dans la structure.)
(I have done a lot of babysitting)Secondly i often had babysit and i work (attention au temps) for 4 months as (a) cashier on (in) the (a) small GB (attention en dehors de la Belgique, personne ne sait ce qu'est un GB, à remplacer par supermarket). Moreover i participated
at a humanitarian plan (to a humanitarian project) "citizen of the world" by Amnesty International Belguim (à corriger), from 2006 till 2008.
I am available every Wednesday afternoon, every weekend and all on August and Septembers (all of August pas de s à September et ponctuation)
I look forward to hearing from you (ponctuation. et I am looking serait mieux)
Yours faithfully (virgule puis signature)
Voilà, j'espère que ça vous sera utile. Bonne chance
