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    Oral/ gap year

    Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Oral/ gap year
    Message de claraa74 posté le 11-04-2018 à 18:15:44 (S | E | F)
    Bonjour,
    je dois faire un oral exposant en quoi consiste ma "gap year" et essayer de convaincre les autres de me financer. J'aurais besoin d'une relecture car n'étant pas très forte en anglais j'ai peur d'avoir fait des fautes.
    Merci beaucoup!

    hello ! i’m …. And I study in high school. If I address you today, it is because I need your help.
    This year, I made the decision to take a gap year and to go to Peru as volunteer to protect one of the biggest forest: the Amazonian forest. However, in spite of the small summer jobs, I have no necessary money to leave. This is why I turn to you so that you helped me to realize my dream. Furthermore, my parents agree to let me leave if I managed to collect the necessary funds

    The association which is going to receive me does not have the means to make me sleep, eat and to pay me my plane ticket. Thus I do find the necessary money for it.

    I am a very hard-working person and who likes by above being useful. I’ll like discovering a new culture as well as a new language. I particularly like working in a team and working with my hands and I worry particularly about the global warming

    During my stay I’ll worke six days a week of 8am to 5 pm, the association « projects abroad » will supervise and I’ll work with their team in the environmental protection in the reserve of Taricaya. I’ll contribute to studies on the biodiversity and to observation of wild animals. Within the center of reintroduction of animals, I’ll feed animals and I’ll maintain their enclosure before reintroducing them in the nature

    This project will give me an amazing experience. I’ll can acquire another vision of the world. I’ll discover the famous Amazonian forest as well as all the biodiversity which is all around. I’ll approach numerous amazing animals. Moreover, I think that can be a enrichment personal, I’ll have the opportunity to give of my time for a very important cause and which means a lot to me, I’ll feel useful and I can bring my help, my will and my good mood.

    Amazonian forest has an exceptional and rich fauna, with symbolic animals. It also plays key role in the fight against climate change. This forest is one in the main sources of oxygen of the planet. It is for reason that it is necessary to protect it because in reality it is it which protects us. To be made, it is also necessary to protect the animals which live there.

    In the end, your financing will help me participate in the protection of the forest and thus in the protection of the whole world and the planet, thus help me to realize my project by participating in the financing. Thus the forest needs us I need you!

    -------------------
    Edited by lucile83 on 11-04-2018 20:24
    Topic en double dont un supprimé mais reposté ...J'ai donc fusionné les deux.


    Réponse : Oral/ gap year de gerondif, postée le 12-04-2018 à 10:51:57 (S | E)
    Bonjour,
    le commentaire reste le même, français traduit de façon assez littérale.
    erreurs en bleu
    hello ! i’m …. And I study in high school. If I address you today, it is because I need your help.
    This year, I made the decision to take a gap year and to go to Peru as a volunteer to protect one of the biggest forest(pluriel): the Amazonian forest. However, in spite of the small summer jobs, I have no necessary(maladroit) money to leave. This is why I turn to you so that you helped(temps faux) me to realize my dream. Furthermore, my parents agree to let me leave if I managed(temps faux) to collect the necessary funds

    The association which is going to receive(maladroit) me does not have the means to make me sleep, eat(maladroit, ils ne vont pas vous tenir les couverts) and to pay me(ne se dit pas) my plane ticket. Thus I do(mauvais verbe, mettez devoir avoir à) find the necessary money for it.

    I am a very hard-working person and who likes by above(ne se dit pas!!) being useful. I’ll like discovering(infinitif) a new culture as well as a new language. I particularly like working in a team and working with my hands and I worry particularly about the(à ôter) global warming

    During my stay I’ll worke(orthographe) six days a week of(mauvais choix pour "de") 8am to 5 pm, the association « projects abroad » will supervise (manque un cod) and I’ll work with their team in the environmental protection in the reserve of Taricaya. I’ll contribute to studies on the biodiversity and to observation of wild animals. Within the center of reintroduction of animals, I’ll feed animals and I’ll maintain their enclosure (fence) before reintroducing them into the nature

    This project will give me an amazing experience. I’ll can(can n'a pas de futur, prendre le remplaçant) acquire another vision of the world. I’ll discover the famous Amazonian forest as well as all the biodiversity which is all around. I’ll approach numerous amazing animals. Moreover, I think that it can be a enrichment personal( il est toujours mal placé comme épithète !!!), I’ll have the opportunity to give of my time(français traduit) for a very important cause and which means a lot to me, I’ll feel useful and I can bring my help, my will and my good mood.

    The Amazonian forest has an exceptional and rich fauna, with symbolic (le sens ne convient pas, ils sont mythiques mais ils seraient symboliques de quoi ?? ) animals. It also plays a key role in the fight against climate change. This forest is one in the main sources of oxygen of the planet. It is for this reason that it is necessary to protect it because in reality it is it which (français traduit, ne se dit pas) protects us. To be made(pour ce faire ?? ne se dit pas, traduisez afin d'y parvenir), it is also necessary to protect the animals which live there.

    In the end, your financing will help me participate in the protection of the forest and thus in the protection of the whole world and the planet, thus help me to realize my project (mais là, la construction donne l’impression que c'est vous qui participez au financement)by participating in the financing. Thus the forest needs us I need you!




    Réponse : Oral/ gap year de claraa74, postée le 12-04-2018 à 15:06:02 (S | E)
    bonjour, j'ai corrigé mes erreurs, est ce que c'est mieux comme ça ?
    Hello ! I’m …. And I study in high school. If I apply to you today, it is because I need your help.
    This year, I made the decision to take a gap year and to go to Peru as a volunteer to protect one of the biggest forest(pluriel): the Amazonian forest. However, in spite of the small summer jobs, I have no enough money to leave. This is why I turn to you so that you to help me to realize my dream. Furthermore, my parents agree to let me leave if I manage to collect the necessary funds

    The association which will accompany me does not have the means to give me free board and lodging and to pay my plane ticket. Thus I have to find the necessary money for it.

    I am a very hard-working person and who likes being useful. I’ll like discover a new culture as well as a new language. I particularly like working in a team and working with my hands and I worry particularly about global warming

    During my stay I’ll work six days a week from 8am to 5 pm, the association « projects abroad » will supervise me and I’ll work with their team in the environmental protection in the reserve of Taricaya. I’ll contribute to studies on the biodiversity and to observation of wild animals. Within the center of reintroduction of animals, I’ll feed animals and I’ll maintain their enclosure before reintroducing them into nature

    This project will give me an amazing experience. I will me able to acquire another vision of the world. I’ll discover the famous Amazonian forest as well as all the biodiversity which is all around. I’ll approach numerous amazing animals. Moreover, I think that it can be a personal enrichment, I’ll have the opportunity to volunteer my time for a very important cause and which means a lot to me, I’ll feel useful and I can bring my help, my will and my good mood.

    The Amazonian forest has an exceptional and rich fauna, with mythical animals. It also plays a key role in the fight against climate change. This forest is one in the main sources of oxygen of the planet. It is for this reason that it is necessary to protect it because in reality it is it which protects us. To achieve that, it is also necessary to protect the animals which live there.

    In the end, your financing will help me to participate in the protection of the forest and thus in the protection of the whole world and the planet, thus help me to realize my project by participating in the financing. Thus the forest needs us I need you!



    Réponse : Oral/ gap year de gerondif, postée le 13-04-2018 à 12:58:54 (S | E)
    Bonjour,
    Oui, c'est mieux, ce serait dommage que les corrections fassent empirer la situation.
    erreurs en bleu.
    Hello ! I’m …. And I study in high school. If I apply to you today, it is because I need your help.
    This year, I made the decision to take a gap year and to go to Peru as a volunteer to protect one of the biggest forest(pluriel): the Amazonian forest. However, in spite of the small summer jobs, I have no enough money to leave. This is why I turn to you so that you to help me to realize my dream. Furthermore, my parents agree to let me leave if I manage to collect the necessary funds

    The association which will accompany me does not have the means to give me free board and lodging and to pay for my plane ticket. Thus I have to find the necessary money for it.

    I am a very hard-working person (and) who likes being useful. I’ll like to discover a new culture as well as a new language. I particularly like working in a team and working with my hands and I worry particularly(devant le verbe) about global warming

    During my stay I’ll work six days a week from 8am to 5 pm, the association « projects abroad »(devant association) will supervise (on supervise plutot un travail qu'une personne) me and I’ll work with their team in the environmental protection in the reserve of Taricaya. I’ll contribute to studies on the(à ôter) biodiversity and to observation of wild animals. Within the center of reintroduction of animals, I’ll feed animals and I’ll maintain their enclosure before reintroducing them into nature.

    This project will give me an amazing experience. I will me able to(mal construit c'est be able to, conjuguer be) acquire another vision of the world. I’ll discover the famous Amazonian forest as well as all the biodiversity which is all around. I’ll approach numerous amazing animals. Moreover, I think that it can be a personal enrichment, I’ll have the opportunity to volunteer my time for a very important cause and which means a lot to me, I’ll feel useful and I can bring my help, my will and my good mood.

    The Amazonian forest has an exceptional and rich fauna, with mythical animals. It also plays a key role in the fight against climate change. This forest is one in the main sources of oxygen of the planet. It is for this reason that it is necessary to protect it because in reality it is it which(ne se dit pas) protects us. To achieve that, it is also necessary to protect the animals which live there.

    In the end, your financing will help me to participate in the protection of the forest and thus in the protection of the whole world and the planet, thus help me to realize my project by participating in the financing.(mêmeréflexion qu'avant) Thus the forest needs us, I need you!



    Réponse : Oral/ gap year de here4u, postée le 14-04-2018 à 10:24:14 (S | E)
    Hello!

    Bel effort de correction des deux cotés !
    Cependant, pour que cette demande soit efficace, il faudrait plus de réciprocité dans l'échange. Vous avez montré que vous alliez travailler (soit, c'est ce pourquoi vous partiriez ! ) mais qu'allez-vous leur apporter de plus qu'un autre candidat qui justifierait qu'ils "mettent la main au portefeuille" ?

    "worry" me gêne ... Pourquoi pas "care" ou "am concerned about"?




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