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Aide Dialogue.
Message de canaris78 posté le 13-10-2007 à 14:21:08 (S | E | F | I)
What do you think about my dialogue ? How can I improve it ?
Subject : An employee who witnessed the scene decides to go and talk to Anton Crier.
The scene is set before the breakfast, in a supermarket. We just attended an argument between Anton Crier and Socrates Fortlow; an employee decides to talk to Anton Crier.
[E=employee; A.C.=Anton Crier]
E : "What was the problem with the black person ?" he enquired.
A.C : "It's not your ! You havent't know !"
E : "But I think like you. The bum lacks respect towards you. Morever, he speaks rudely."
A.C : "I'm getting rather fed up with all of them." Anton snaped back. He slowly starts to leave.
E : "I hope, i'm not in this all, because i agree with you. Why the hobo weaken you ?"
A.C : "Well... He came to have an application, but nowadays it's impossible. The company stops hire".
E : "Besides, I think he brings a bad spirit".
A.C : "In addition to the black man, is an ex-convict, but he is also fourty years old. Futhermore, this man is rude, impolite. He never stops to speak unless i give him an application form." He explained to his employee.
E : "You was right." He added.
A.C : "But now, stop talking and go working !" He ordered the employee.
The employee goes to his cashier whereas Anton goes to his office.
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Modifié par canaris78 le 13-10-2007 14:52
Message de canaris78 posté le 13-10-2007 à 14:21:08 (S | E | F | I)
What do you think about my dialogue ? How can I improve it ?
Subject : An employee who witnessed the scene decides to go and talk to Anton Crier.
The scene is set before the breakfast, in a supermarket. We just attended an argument between Anton Crier and Socrates Fortlow; an employee decides to talk to Anton Crier.
[E=employee; A.C.=Anton Crier]
E : "What was the problem with the black person ?" he enquired.
A.C : "It's not your ! You havent't know !"
E : "But I think like you. The bum lacks respect towards you. Morever, he speaks rudely."
A.C : "I'm getting rather fed up with all of them." Anton snaped back. He slowly starts to leave.
E : "I hope, i'm not in this all, because i agree with you. Why the hobo weaken you ?"
A.C : "Well... He came to have an application, but nowadays it's impossible. The company stops hire".
E : "Besides, I think he brings a bad spirit".
A.C : "In addition to the black man, is an ex-convict, but he is also fourty years old. Futhermore, this man is rude, impolite. He never stops to speak unless i give him an application form." He explained to his employee.
E : "You was right." He added.
A.C : "But now, stop talking and go working !" He ordered the employee.
The employee goes to his cashier whereas Anton goes to his office.
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Modifié par canaris78 le 13-10-2007 14:52
Réponse: Aide Dialogue. de canaris78, postée le 13-10-2007 à 14:58:44 (S | E)
Vraiment personne pour m'aider ?!
Réponse: Aide Dialogue. de yaduboulo, postée le 13-10-2007 à 17:15:53 (S | E)
Si je le pouvais, je le ferais volontiers.
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Modifié par mariebru le 13-10-2007 17:20
