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Message de ptitemimi03 posté le 14-10-2007 à 13:55:09 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour à tous,
J'ai rédigé un texte sur une description d'image.
Quelqu'un pourrait-il m'aider à le corriger ? svp
ça serait sympa merci
voici le texte :
This picture represents the beauty of nature and peace. The purity of this element, in the picture induce people to smoke because we think this cigaretts are good and biological, we focus on nature. The main topic in the document is the cigarett. The target audience of the advert is people smoking : the teenagers want to smoke when they are stressted after school or the adults after work. They want to be peaceful and quieter.
I dislike this picture because we could smoke after that. I disagree with the point of view illustrated in the picture because it’s not like the reallity when we smoke : with the picture, we believe that if we smoke, it’s healthy whereas it’s not true. Smoking is not good. In my opinion, this picture encourages to smoke.
désolé c'est un peu long.
Merci à ceux qui veulent bien m'aider
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Modifié par bridg le 14-10-2007 14:17
Titre
Réponse: Une image (correction) de tiniflo, postée le 14-10-2007 à 21:29:47 (S | E)
This picture represents the beauty of nature and peace. The purity of
this element in the picture induces people to smoke because we think that (=> pas obligatoire) those cigarettes are good and biological, we focus on nature but (mot de liaison au lieu de commencer une nouvelle phrase) the main
topic in the document is the cigarette. The target audience of the
advert (=> ou bien ad ou advertisement) is people smoking : the teenagers want to smoke when they are stressed out after school or the adults after work. They want to be
peaceful and quieter.
I dislike this picture because we could think about smoking after seeing it. I disagree
with the point of view illustrated in the picture because it's not as in (=> ou bien like in)
the reality when we smoke : with the picture, we believe that smoking is healthy whereas it's not true, smoking is not good. In my
opinion, this picture encourages to smoke.
Voilà ce que j'ai repéré, besoin de backup maintenant !
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Modifié par tiniflo le 14-10-2007 21:31
Réponse: Une image (correction) de ptitemimi03, postée le 15-10-2007 à 19:04:05 (S | E)
merci beaucoup
Réponse: Une image (correction) de bluebutterfly, postée le 15-10-2007 à 22:41:16 (S | E)
J'ai juste voulu noter quelques remarques
D'abord l'usage du verbe "induces" n'est pas exact , en fait ca a le sens de "genère" : on dit "induces a current"== genere un courant. Donc il sera plus approprié de le remplacer par "encourages" .
Ensuite la phrase "i disagree with the point of view because it's not as in the reality when we smoke" sera mieux remplaçée par "i disagree with this point of view because it does not reflects the reality of smoking"
c mon avis modeste , apres tout je suis pas expert d'anglais mais j'espere que j'ai pu t'aider .
