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Ce que j'aime faire (correction)
Message de pauppau posté le 14-12-2007 à 17:59:52 (S | E | F | I)
Bonsoir à tous,
j'ai bientôt un exposé oral à faire en anglais et je suis en train de le préparer. Voici ma deuxième partie. Pouvez vous me corriger svp ??
Je vous remercie d'avance pour le temps que vous serez amenés à passer sur mon travail.
So I tried to tell you my own experience in dancing. Now, I'm going to explain you why I love dancing so much. Firstly, dancing is a way to relax myself. In fact, it allows me to cancel the stress of the week due to homeworks, exams, family.. It's a way to forget my problems for a moment. During a dance, I am able to liberate my spirit. And after that, I feel better. Secondly, I am very shy, for instance I need time to open my mind to people; but when I'm dancing I am a new person definitively reliable who doesn't care about everyone's point of view. I'm in my world, a world which anybody apart from me can control. When I'm dancing I forget my shyness because I feel good. Moreover some people said me I'm used to close my eyes in dancing.. I think it's because I escape myself and I just try to concentrate all my spirit on the rhythm of the music on which I'm dancing. Thirdly, dancing might be considered as an artistic activity but also as an exhausting sport ! For example, after two hours of rock during the ones I turned all the time, I feel completely tired out. That's why dancing allows me to be on form. Furthermore, it's a beautiful way of expression which everybody are able to learn. There are so many kinds of dance that everyone can move his body as he wants. Dancers can always create new steps. They can always improve themselves. Hence dancing is rewarding. That's why I'm in fond of dancing. Last but not least, I take a real pleasure in dancing, and I think that the most important thing for this kind of activity is to enjoy oneself. I think that you understand how much I love dancing..
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Modifié par bridg le 14-12-2007 18:01
titre distinctif
Il est demandé aux membres qui auront la gentillesse de répondre de signaler les fautes, d'aider le demandeur à se corriger mais de ne jamais faire le travail à sa place. Cette règle est incontournable sur ce site d'apprentissage. Merci de votre participation.
Message de pauppau posté le 14-12-2007 à 17:59:52 (S | E | F | I)
Bonsoir à tous,
j'ai bientôt un exposé oral à faire en anglais et je suis en train de le préparer. Voici ma deuxième partie. Pouvez vous me corriger svp ??
Je vous remercie d'avance pour le temps que vous serez amenés à passer sur mon travail.
So I tried to tell you my own experience in dancing. Now, I'm going to explain you why I love dancing so much. Firstly, dancing is a way to relax myself. In fact, it allows me to cancel the stress of the week due to homeworks, exams, family.. It's a way to forget my problems for a moment. During a dance, I am able to liberate my spirit. And after that, I feel better. Secondly, I am very shy, for instance I need time to open my mind to people; but when I'm dancing I am a new person definitively reliable who doesn't care about everyone's point of view. I'm in my world, a world which anybody apart from me can control. When I'm dancing I forget my shyness because I feel good. Moreover some people said me I'm used to close my eyes in dancing.. I think it's because I escape myself and I just try to concentrate all my spirit on the rhythm of the music on which I'm dancing. Thirdly, dancing might be considered as an artistic activity but also as an exhausting sport ! For example, after two hours of rock during the ones I turned all the time, I feel completely tired out. That's why dancing allows me to be on form. Furthermore, it's a beautiful way of expression which everybody are able to learn. There are so many kinds of dance that everyone can move his body as he wants. Dancers can always create new steps. They can always improve themselves. Hence dancing is rewarding. That's why I'm in fond of dancing. Last but not least, I take a real pleasure in dancing, and I think that the most important thing for this kind of activity is to enjoy oneself. I think that you understand how much I love dancing..
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 14-12-2007 18:01
titre distinctif
Il est demandé aux membres qui auront la gentillesse de répondre de signaler les fautes, d'aider le demandeur à se corriger mais de ne jamais faire le travail à sa place. Cette règle est incontournable sur ce site d'apprentissage. Merci de votre participation.
Réponse: Ce que j'aime faire (correction) de gee, postée le 16-12-2007 à 00:24:06 (S | E)
Could some questions help?
(...)explain you why I love dancing so much.
Does "so much" qualify your dancing (i.e. you dance so much) or your love?Firstly, dancing is a way to relax myself.
Is it necessary to insist of the fact that it's yourself that you are relaxing.
(...) During a dance, I am able to liberate my spirit.
"During" is logically correct. I'd say it otherwise.(...)but when I'm dancing I am a new person
"when" is precisely referring to a moment. Another conjunction could better refer to the time + the cause.(...)I'm in my world, a world which anybody apart from me can control.
1.Is a so intensive pronoun as "which" necessary?
2.MIND THE MEANING: Can really anybody else control your apart world?(...) after two hours of rock [during the ones I turned all the time], I feel completely tired out.
1.Text between square brackets could profitably give way to a single adverb.
2.Remove "tired" and write another pp. in 4 letters starting with a w.
3.People told you (past) and as a result you feel (present). Is it correct?That's why dancing allows me to be on form.
When I am in good s.... , I'm not "on" good "form"(...)so many kinds of dance
Would dance be uncountable?that everyone can move his body as he wants.
All that people evoked by "everyone" can move t.... bodies, etc...(...)Dancers can always create new steps. They can always improve themselves.
Putting always in a different place would enhance its effect.
(...)I'm in fond of dancing.
You can't be "in fond of" anything.(...)
Apart from that, I was pleased to read you.
