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    Dear mum (correction) (1)

    << Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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    Dear mum (correction)
    Message de xfeelx posté le 15-03-2008 à 18:47:42 (S | E | F)

    Pouvez-vous m'aider à corriger cette rédaction s'il vous plaît/ Merci

    Dear mum,
    I hope you will receive this letter .
    Despite Mr. Devil's advertisement , I disobey him by sending you this letter .
    In reality , I feel very well in this new home .
    It's a new world although it's not ideal .
    I know you would think I betray you but I have my new family there .
    Mr Devil make us dream about a fantastic fantasy world while we're working .
    We work hard, but I have to ,if I don't they would kick me .
    Fortunately , they never kicked me , hence ,I can't say they are ugly with me .
    You must think that I'm becoming like them however I'm not guilty . He does that .
    I just wanted to told you that I will probably never come back . Even if I miss you and you miss me , I 'can't leave my twenty five new sister .
    I hold some responsibility know , my duty is to help all those girl who need me . I hope also that Gracie and Daisy are home .
    I hadn't heard something from them for years .
    In fact , I will never saw them anymore .

    Mollie
    -------------------
    Modifié par bridg le 15-03-2008 18:59
    Retrait d'"urgent" / rien ne se fait dans l'urgence ici/
    Titre
    Retrait des majuscules / inutile de crier
    Formules de politesse



    Réponse: Dear mum (correction) de wagnoolove, postée le 17-03-2008 à 17:17:01 (S | E)
    Dear mum,
    I hope you will receive my letter .
    Despite MR.Devil i have disobeyed him by sending you this letter .
    In reality , I feel very well in this new home .
    It's a new world although it's not ideal .
    I know you would think I betray you but I have my new family there .
    Mr Devil make us dream about a fantastic world while we're working .
    We work hard, but I have to ,if I dont want they kick me .
    Fortunately , they never kicked me , hence ,I can't say they are ugly with me .
    You must think that I'm becoming like them however I'm not guilty . He does that .
    I just wanted to told you that I will probably never come back . Even if I miss you and you miss me , I 'can't leave my twenty five new sisters .
    I hold some responsibility now , my duty is to help all those girls who need me . I also hope that Gracie and Daisy are at home .
    I hadn't heard something from them for years .
    In fact , I will never see them anymore .

    Mollie
    -------------------
    Modifié par bridg le 15-03-2008 18:59
    Retrait d'"urgent" / rien ne se fait dans l'urg


    Réponse: Dear mum (correction) de xfeelx, postée le 17-03-2008 à 18:29:36 (S | E)
    Merci


    Réponse: Dear mum (correction) de violet91, postée le 17-03-2008 à 20:10:51 (S | E)
    hello! Encore des points importants à reprendre:

    mr Devil + 3ème pers.sg----if I don't,they will kick me off----pas ugly with mais bad,hard ou harsh to----wanted to + inf----I 0 apostrophe can't..---25 years- old sister----you know ou now?----those +pl----I also hope (place de l'adverbe)----I haven't heard from them for years----I will never+ inf.sans to.

    Et si la personne aime sa mère,il ne faut pas terminer sans formule de politesse et d'affection.

    good luck! violet







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