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Correction of detective history
Message de chacha posté le 26-02-2009 à 13:23:44 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous.
Pouvez vous me dire si j'ai des fautes en me les expliquant afin que je puisse améliorer mon anglais.
Je vous remercie d'avance.
C'est une courte histoire policière.
Everything began when I was in my garden with my father, It snowed. We have heart my uncle shouted. In fact he found my mother dead in her room. We are all precipitate in her room and she was lying on the floor. She was killed with a china vise. I was shocked by the scene. I thought that it was better necessary to lock the door by waiting for policeman. But as it snowed the policeman couldn't move. Regrettably we were all clamped in the house because of this thick coat of snow. Thus the murder was in the house. We were 5 man in the house, my father and his best friend, my brother and my uncle.
Since the Culprit was one of us, I began to lead my investigation. I have asked the alibi of all the world.
“ I fell asleep at about 11 pm and I woke up this morning at 9 am, I did not sleep with your mother because I was sick.” My father answered.
Peter, the best friend of dad told me “ I arrived at your home at 2 am, my plane was late. But when I arrived there was noise in the room of your mother”
The other members of my family slept.
The hours passed, the culprit was always free. I repeat account that nobody was sad of mom's death except me. In my big surprise my father and John were happy of mom's death, they stole all which belonged to my mother and got ready to run away. But my little brother made a confession. He said that the mom death was a masquerade. In fact he had staged mom's death to prove her that the men who surrounds her are good-for-nothings. Joe, my brother opened the door of the room of my mother and she was not death, she was alive.
Seeing the behavior which the members of the family had had, she got out a ball in the head. She killed because she she was sad.
Message de chacha posté le 26-02-2009 à 13:23:44 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous.
Pouvez vous me dire si j'ai des fautes en me les expliquant afin que je puisse améliorer mon anglais.
Je vous remercie d'avance.
C'est une courte histoire policière.
Everything began when I was in my garden with my father, It snowed. We have heart my uncle shouted. In fact he found my mother dead in her room. We are all precipitate in her room and she was lying on the floor. She was killed with a china vise. I was shocked by the scene. I thought that it was better necessary to lock the door by waiting for policeman. But as it snowed the policeman couldn't move. Regrettably we were all clamped in the house because of this thick coat of snow. Thus the murder was in the house. We were 5 man in the house, my father and his best friend, my brother and my uncle.
Since the Culprit was one of us, I began to lead my investigation. I have asked the alibi of all the world.
“ I fell asleep at about 11 pm and I woke up this morning at 9 am, I did not sleep with your mother because I was sick.” My father answered.
Peter, the best friend of dad told me “ I arrived at your home at 2 am, my plane was late. But when I arrived there was noise in the room of your mother”
The other members of my family slept.
The hours passed, the culprit was always free. I repeat account that nobody was sad of mom's death except me. In my big surprise my father and John were happy of mom's death, they stole all which belonged to my mother and got ready to run away. But my little brother made a confession. He said that the mom death was a masquerade. In fact he had staged mom's death to prove her that the men who surrounds her are good-for-nothings. Joe, my brother opened the door of the room of my mother and she was not death, she was alive.
Seeing the behavior which the members of the family had had, she got out a ball in the head. She killed because she she was sad.
Réponse: Correction of detective history de robertbrou, postée le 26-02-2009 à 17:09:54 (S | E)
Bonjour,
I will go by sentence.
Pink - it's OK but perhaps there is a different alternative
Red - make correction
Green - OK
- missing article or wordEverything began when I was in my garden with my father, It snowed. We have heart my uncle shouted.
1. There are two sentences. Correct punctuation.
1a. Has the snow stopped or was it continuing?
2. Don't understand. Is something missing?
Avoir du coeur = charité/générosité/sensibilité
In fact he found my mother dead in her room.
We are all precipitate in her room and she was lying on the floor. She was killed with a china vise.
1. Verb tense
2. Vise = étau. Do you mean vise or vase? Huge difference.
I was shocked by the scene. I thought that it was better
policeman. But as it snowed the policeman couldn't move. Regrettably we were all clamped in the house because of this thick coat of snow.
1. Is this continuous? (imparfait?)
2. clamped (serré par l'étau?) -voir ci-dessus
Thus the murder was in the house. We were 5 man in the house, my father and his best friend, my brother and my uncle. Since the Culprit was one of us, I began to lead my investigation. I have asked the alibi of all the world.
1. Redo. You only list 4 people. Don't forget yourself!
2. use 'each'. 'All the world' = 6,000,000,000+ people!
“ I fell asleep at about 11 pm and I woke up this morning at 9 am, I did not sleep with your mother because I was sick.” My father answered.
Peter, the best friend of dad told me “ I arrived at your home at 2 am,
my plane was late. But when I arrived there was noise in the room of your mother.”1. do possessives.
The other members of my family slept.
The hours passed, the culprit was always free. I repeat account that nobody was sad of mom's death except me.
1. double-click on 'toujours' for a different translation
2. ??
In my big surprise my father and John were happy of mom's death, they stole all which belonged to my mother and got ready to run away.
1. 'à' = to, at, or in
2. you can use 2 words to convey the same meaning
3. got - is the action still continuing?
But my little brother made a confession. He said that the mom death was a masquerade. In fact he had staged mom's death to prove
her that the men who surrounds her are good-for-nothings. Joe, my brother opened the door of the room of my mother and she was not death, she was alive.1. possessive
2. use pronoun
3. verb tense
4. use possessive
5. 'la mort' = death, double-click on 'mort' and scroll to 'mort2'
Seeing the behavior which the members of the family had had, she got out a ball in the head. She killed
because she 1. use possessive
2. this means that she took out a ball from her head. 'a pris une balle' means 'to get shot with a gun'
3. who did she kill?
Hope this helps!
